I won't give up
by Kendal-Rose
Summary: My first Connie and Jacob fiction. Based (very loosely) on the upcoming spoilers. Reviews and constructive criticism loved as always :) Happy New Year to you all :) xx
1. Chapter 1

"She's been kidnapped?" He uttered, watching as Robyn nodded slowly, "The police have been called, we've been told to stay here… there's a team waiting in case of any…"

Jacob exhaled placing his hand on Robyn's shoulder, "If Rita asks, I've gone to find her… I'll make up the over time,"

"Jacob…" Robyn began, her words falling on deaf ears as he shook her head, "She needs me… I need to see her."

"Where is she? Why are you all just standing here… she's been kidnapped for god sake, someone needs to get her away from that mad man…"

"Stop," Dylan, told Jacob firmly, "The police have told us to wait here… so wait here… the last thing we need is you getting hurt too…"

Jacob nodded, pacing up and down, his breathing apical and shallow,

She could feel his large hands pressing up against her throat, the tip of a knife pressing against her abdomen, through her shirt. She thought of Grace, she thought of Jacob… this wasn't how it was supposed to go. She inhaled deeply, finding it harder and harder to breathe, she tried to focus on breathing, rather than the man holding so tightly around her neck, but she found herself thinking of the two people she loved most in the world.

He heard a scream and the sound of something hitting the floor, "Connie," he yelled, running down the corridor and stopping momentarily as he saw her lying on the floor, her chest heaving as red blood dispersed over her white shirt. Connie blinked, her hand clutching her stomach, her breathe catching in her chest as she winced with pain. Jacob watched as Dylan and Lofty ran towards Connie, before he lurched at the man who'd stabbed and attempted to strangle Connie. He held him against the wall, unable to stop his fist from colliding with his face and his stomach over and over again,

He crouched down beside her, watching how her eyes flickered as he took her blood covered hands gently, Dylan and Lofty stopped for a moment, watching how tenderly Jacob lifted Connie into his arms, "Come on darling, let's get you fixed up," he told her, feeling a lot more confident than he felt.

"We need more blood," Zoe yelled, "Get them to hurry up with the blood, she's losing this as fast as I'm replacing it, come on Connie,"

Stop," Zoe uttered, pulling Jacob away, "If you are to stay in here, you need to stand at the head of the bed and hold her hand, tell her how much you love her… but you do not get involved in any medical decisions… understood?"

"Sats are dropping," Dylan uttered, "Her heart rate is high, BP dropping… this isn't sustainable Zoe… Lofty, get the crash trolley ready…"

"She's crashing Zoe," Dylan uttered as the monitors started to bleep,

"Don't you dare do this Connie Beauchamp… not here… not today… we need you here," Zoe hissed, continuing to push the blood as Lofty applied the defibrillator pads, "Zoe step back… we're charging… all clear, Lofty get that oxygen off the bed,"

Jacob walked out shoving the doors hard, "Charlie, go after him… I have no idea what he's about to do…" Zoe told Charlie, knowing just how volatile their staff nurse could be.

Jacob kicked the lockers hard, over and over again, only stopping as Charlie entered the room. "Don't tell me…" he began, looking up at Charlie and sinking down to the floor with his back against the lockers, his head in his hands,

"No," Charlie told him, "She's still fighting… the surgical team have arrived… they're working on the stab wound while she's being resuscitated…"


	2. Chapter 2 - A mouthful of forever's

**This is for all you lovely people that replied, thanks a mill** **I hope you are all enjoying the snow, I'm a bit disappointed, it's very sparse here! The parts in italics are from one of my favourite poems by Clementine von Radics, Mouthful of Forever's. Replies loved as ever** **Kendal-Rose xx**

"This isn't how it was supposed to go… this isn't how it's supposed to end," he uttered, his voice breaking as he struggled to hold back the tears, "I haven't even told her how much I love her Charlie," he uttered, "You know what she's like, she likes things on her own terms… she only stayed at mine for the first time last week… I didn't want to scare her off… but now I feel like I've missed my chance… I haven't even told her how much and why I love her,"

Zoe opened the door, she looked exhausted, blood covering her previously clean blue shirt, "She's heading on to ITU," she told him wearily, "She's just as strong as we thought, the stab wound has been repaired… she's undergoing another blood transfusion, but we got traces back,"

Jacob sighed, "Thank you,"

"Will you let me know when she's awake? I want to give her a bloody good bolicking for scaring us all like that,"

Jacob stood up and pulled Zoe into a hug, "Thank you,"

"Tell her you love her Jacob," Zoe nodded, "Don't worry about scaring her off… you need to tell her, she's got a long recovery ahead."

He looked at her lying in the ITU bed. She looked so small and delicate laying there, her face free of make-up, her freckles scattered across her tanned face. He couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked, despite the scattering of dark bruises that lay across her neck. "Oh Connie," he uttered quietly, by her side in a second, taking her small, cold hand in his own.

"We've been asked to keep her ventilated for the next few days," the nurse told him gently, "Incase the swelling around her throat increases, and the morphine won't cover the stomach pain,"

Jacob nodded, "I always wonder if people who are sedated can hear what's going on?" He uttered, watching as the young nurse nodded,

"Me too… there have been some studies that suggest they can…" She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, "I'll get you a makeshift bed,"

"Thank you," He nodded.

A few days later Jacob continued to sit by her side. Her eyes had flickered open a few times; however it seemed she wasn't yet ready to wake up. Vital signs and observations were good, and Jacob held her hand tightly, not willing to give up on the woman he loved most in the world. "Talk to her," Zoe told him gently, "You know how she is, she needs to do things in her own time… she'll come back to you… but talk to her, she needs to know you're here." And with that Zoe placed a kiss on Connie's cheek, before squeezing her hand, "Listen to him Connie, he needs you back here… we all do,"

He nodded at Zoe and sat closer to where Connie lay so peacefully. He sighed, placing his lips on her forehead and kissing her skin softly. "I read something today, and it made me think of you," he told her, running his fingertips across her collar bone, before squeezing her hand, "And even if you can't hear me, I'm going to tell you again when you can…"

" _I am not the first person you loved, You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forever's, We have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we'd given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle_."

He squeezed her hand tightly, holding back the tears that threatened to fall from his dark eyes. He thought about those times they'd almost kissed, the time when Robyn walked in on them. And then he thought of when she'd first kissed him in her office. He'd never known a first kiss like it, he could still remember how her hands felt on his cheeks, how his heart was beating so fast within his chest.

" _This is how we heal. I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I'm hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you. And I will not be afraid of your scars."_

Her eyes flickered open again, and she found that despite the pain she could hear him, she could see him; she could feel him holding her hands so gently. "Jacob," she smiled, and he tucked her hair behind her ear. He pressed his lips to her cheek as he continued telling her what he'd read that morning,

" _I know sometimes it's still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know; whether it's the days you burn more brilliant than the sun, or the nights you collapse into my lap, your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I will love you when you are a still day. I will love you when you are a hurricane. I love you more than anything,"_

She smiled, closing her eyes, her hand squeezing his, "I'm okay," she whispered, "and I love you."

He pressed his lips against her forehead again, his tears slipping down his cheeks, "Welcome back," he whispered, watching her as she drifted back to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_An early shift meant I was able to catch Casualty whilst it was actually on tonight. I loved the scenes between Connie and Jacob._ _Hope everyone is well and enjoys this next part. Replies loves as always_ _Kendal-Rose xx_

She woke up in the early hours of the morning. Her head felt light, her throat felt tight and bruised, and she couldn't ignore the dull ache of pain in her stomach. She exhaled as she remembered what had happened to her; she exhaled as she realised that despite the pain that she felt that she was okay.

"Jacob," she whispered, her hands going first to her stomach then up around her neck,

He leaned over her, his hand resting on her forehead, his thumb gently brushing her forehead, "Good morning sweetheart,"

She lifted her hand to his face, her fingers tracing his skin, "You look exhausted," she whispered, wincing as the pain shot through her stomach, "Oh…" she uttered as he found he couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. She'd never seen him cry, her heart constricting in a way she couldn't remember it doing before, "Don't cry over me darling," she uttered, guiding his head into her neck as he sobbed against her.

She placed her free hand on his back, holding him too her as he thanked whoever was up there that she had woken up, "I'm okay," she whispered, "I'm strong remember,"

He sat up, placing both his hands on her cheeks, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, "I thought I'd lost you," he told you, "And I haven't felt like that before,"

"Everything hurts," she uttered, shifting to get comfortable, watching as he pressed her pain relief for her,

"I know," he nodded, "I know."

She had sent him home that night to get some sleep, she was worried about him, she'd never seen him look so tired. She smiled up at Charlie and Zoe as they entered her side room, "Hi boss," Charlie smiled, sitting beside her and kissing her cheek, before Zoe pulled her into a hug,

"I hear I have you to thank for saving my life," Connie smiled as Zoe as Charlie squeezed her hand, "Thank you," she nodded, "I owe you,"

Zoe smiled, "Who'd have thought it hey?"

Connie nodded, "It's nice to see you,"

"He was in pieces," Charlie admitted, "Jacob I mean… we almost had to throw him out of the ED… he beat up the guy who kidnapped you…"

Zoe smiled, "He thinks the world of you Connie,"

Connie smiled, "I told him to go home," she admitted, "I've never seen him look so exhausted and so sad… I didn't really want him to go, but he needs to sleep."

"So do you," Charlie told her, "We'll sit here whilst you get some sleep."

"Hi sweetheart," she smiled a few afternoons later. She sat on the edge of the bed, dressed in her own clothes, albeit feeling a far cry from her usual self.

"What are you doing getting out of bed?" He asked, placing his hand gently over her stomach before kissing her softly,

"She can't wait to get out of here and get home," Sophie, the young physio smiled. "The plan was sit in the chair tomorrow, but Connie's decided she wants to get up today…"

"And that's safe?" Jacob asked, placing his hand on Connie's shoulder,

"Perfectly safe," Sophie replied, "The sooner she gets up and gets moving, the better… we just need to watch for any dizziness and nausea,"

"Okay," he nodded, watching as Sophie picked up Connie's attachments and drains, "Now push up through your hands, when you stand, just keep still for a moment before you go anywhere,"

"Good job," Sophie nodded, walking closely to Connie as Connie decided she wanted to walk around the room, before heading back to the chair. "Just wait for me to sort these leads out, then you can sit down,"

Connie exhaled, "I feel a bit light headed,"

Sophie nodded, "That's normal, now feel the chair on the back of your legs before you sit down… then feel back for the arms of the chair… there you go, sit down slowly." Sophie grinned, "Nice one Mrs. Beauchamp… tissue viability nurses have advised you don't sit any longer than an hour for the first week, so I'll be back at six o'clock,"

Connie thanked Sophie, before closing her eyes and sighing, "I didn't think that would be so hard." Jacob smiled, kissing her mouth gently, "Stand up a minute." She did as he asked, before curling up onto his lap as he sat down into the large chair.

"You're nice and warm" she murmured, pressing her lips against his neck, causing him to shiver slightly.

He wrapped his arms around her gently, his head resting on hers as her breathing slowed down. She gripped onto his t-shirt firmly, choosing to ignore the way her body ached, and instead concentrating on the man that held her in his strong arms so gently.

"I need to tell you something," he told her that night, "Because I thought that I may have lost the chance to tell you, and I hated myself for that,"

She lay on his chest, listening to him and slipping her hand into his firmly,

"I love you Connie Beauchamp," he told her, "I love everything about you. I love watching you in the ED, and assisting you when you decide theatres are taking too long," He ran his hands through her hair, "I love the feel of your skin against mine and how good you feel so close to me when we have sex," he kissed her hair gently, "I feel things when I'm with you that I didn't think it was possible to feel… and all those feelings were verified when I felt so scared when I heard you'd been kidnapped…" He exhaled, "So now you know… just how much I love you, and just how hard I've fallen for you… and I hope more than anything that you don't want to run…"

She looked up at him, pressing her lips against his own, "If I could run you mean," she smiled, before kissing him again, "Why on earth would I want to run…" She smiled, "I love you Jacob," she told him simply, before laying down her head on his chest. She felt lighter somehow, and with this man laying beneath her, she knew that she didn't really have anything to worry about.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the delayed update, this is for you lovely people still reading and replying to this** **Hope you are all well! Love Kendal-Rose xx**

She entered her office for the first time since she'd been hurt and sighed. It felt cold, and too tidy, and very unlike how she remembered it. She jumped slightly as she felt warm arms around her waist, before relaxing back against his strong chest as he wrapped her up, holding her close to him. "I'm so glad to have you back here," He told her softly, kissing her cheek as she turned in his arms and rested against him. They stood like that for a few minutes, relishing the feel of each other, both thinking about how close they'd come to losing moments like this,

"You've just worked a night shift," she whispered, "You need to get back home to bed… I'll see you this evening."

He raised an eyebrow and kissed her mouth firmly, "I love you, call me if you need me,"

She nodded as she pulled away from him and turned on her computer. He reached the door, before rolling his eyes and walking back over to her, pulling him too her and kissing her hard on the mouth, "Be careful… be safe… don't push yourself too hard, I want you to come home to me in one piece… you're still healing remember," he told her, kissing her once more. "Go," she laughed fondly, "I love you."

"Hey sexy," he smiled, opening the door to see her looking out of the window,

She smiled as he slipped his arms around her waist, the feel of his strong chest against her body making her feel safe. "What are you doing here? You're meant to be at home," she murmured, as he kissed her neck gently,

"I wanted to come and take you home, you know, make sure you get out of here on time for once. How are you?" he asked, his lips close to her ear, she turned her head to kiss him, before wrapping her arms around his neck loosely, kissing him again, before replying,

"I'm exhausted," she admitted, only to him, "I feel like I've done a double shift,"

"Good job I've come to take you home then," he smiled, reluctantly pulling away from her and assisting her with her coat. He smiled as she fell asleep in the car with her hand on his thigh. He placed his hand gently on hers as they pulled up outside her house, "Home sweet home sweet cheeks," he smiled, watching as she winced as she undid her seat belt and got out of the car.

He watched as she flicked on the kettle, before leaning back against the work surface, "I'm worried about you," he told her, "You look pale," he ran his thumb across her cheek and kissed her gently, "You look beautiful, but very pale,"

She shook her head, "I'm fine,"

He watched her as she clutched her stomach suddenly. He stood up and went over to her, gently unbuttoning her shirt and unzipping her skirt, moving it down to her waist. "Connie… that wasn't there this morning," he told her, watching as she inhaled as his fingers ran across her stomach,

"No… it wasn't,"

He guided her to sit on the kitchen chair, before disappearing into her room and handing her a t-shirt, joggers and one of his jumpers, "Put these on, then I'm taking you back to Holby,"

She sighed, "It's only a bit of bruising,"

"Come on," he told her firmly, holding out his hand, watching as she almost stumbled upon taking it.

"Connie Beauchamp, 45, abdomen stabbing and strangulation eight weeks ago… left hospital four weeks ago… she complained of some abdomen pain this afternoon…"

Charlie shook his head, "She was clutching her stomach this morning,"

"Since this morning… Fi02 90%, BP 90/56, tachycardic at 120… she has diffuse bruising over her abdomen, which wasn't present this morning…"

"Page Michael Spence," Zoe ordered, "You just like to keep us on our toes don't you Connie," Zoe winked, placing an oxygen mask over her face, "Can you fix her up 5 of morphine please Robyn,"

"Connie Beauchamp, long time no see," Michael Spence uttered, lifting her t-shirt before running his fingers over her skin, "Okay, I think she's had a re-bleed… structures were probably weakened during the stabbing, "Good catch team… let's get her up to theatre,"

The team nodded, watching as Jacob took her hand gently, "You're a stubborn cow," he told her fondly, "Hang in there, I'll see you in a few hours,"

She smiled, gripping his hand, "You will,"

He kissed her mouth gently, "I love you."

"So Mrs. Beauchamp, looks like you've found yourself a good bloke there," Michael smiled as he walked alongside her trolley as he wheeled her to theatre, "I'll look after you Connie," he nodded, "See you in a few hours."


End file.
